We all need to show ourselves more compassion – be kinder to ourselves. And simply don’t do it.
Something I’ve noticed is this – the less we do that is kind to us, for example things we might do to take care of ourselves such as: getting enough exercise, eating better, those sorts of things. The less that we do those things, the less kind we are to ourselves about the fact that we’re not doing those things.
I’m using myself as an example of this. From November I was in a really good routine of exercising in the morning, and I was eating better, then Christmas came. I remained consistent with doing daily exercise but since I got back from my holiday in March, I’ve just fallen off the bandwagon and started doing some new kinds of exercise. Then the excuses started: I was having to get up early and do things slightly different for various reasons. As a result of this, I’ve actually been really hard on myself.
I wanted to use that as an example because this is what we do, right? We are so hard on ourselves, focusing on all of the things that we’re not doing, we’re not being, we’re not showing up for, we’re not taking responsibility for – so we lose sight of all the amazing things that we have achieved, that we are doing, that we can implement in our lives and that we always do without even thinking about it.
By noticing this simple thing, you can actually make a significant difference.
I’m here to encourage you today to take steps forward in an empowering way. In today’s HEARTfelt habits, I encourage you to spend a little time thinking about what you love about yourself, what you are doing, how you are making a difference, instead of focusing on all of the things that are missing, all of the things that you feel are lacking.
Journal prompt: What are three things I love about myself?
I don’t want you to overthink this. Just have a little bit of a ponder without trying too hard.
What three things do you love about yourself?
Do you love the fact that you’re kind to other people? I talk about this because it’s something that I often say we can over give and we can be too much there for other people and not there enough for ourselves – but also it’s a beautiful quality to have. So do you love that about yourself?
One thing I have learned to engage with a little more as time has gone by – Do you love something about the way you look?
I love my hair – I love that I have naturally curly hair. It’s a real conversation starter. People always ask ‘is it naturally curly?’ and then I’ll talk about when I was a kid and I hated it and how bees got tangled up in it one time (it’s amazing to me that I didn’t develop a phobia after that), and then I open up to tell all these stories (that’s the writer in me), and it took me years to learn to love my curly hair. It really did. I wanted straight hair for absolutely years. Even when I used to grow my hair as a child it didn’t actually make a bit of difference because it’s so curly it used to spring back up again. But I do love that I have options with my hair.
Here’s an idea for you to play with – what do you love about the way that you look, or your body?
Are you comfortable in your body? And if you’re not can you find either just one thing like – actually I’ve got a pretty great bum – or something else – is there something about your personality, something about the way that you show up in the world that you love?
So, have a little ponder about this, but don’t overthink it. I’m encouraging you to really look at the things that you can focus on when you’re in that space where you feel quite negative and actually you’re not giving yourself a break. We don’t we don’t give ourselves a break.
We spend so much time looking at all the things that are missing.
So explore three things that you love about yourself and just have a little bit of a ponder about that. When you’re in a space of not showing yourself enough self compassion, enough love, enough kindness, that you focus just on those 3 things.
Instead of I will love myself when I’ve lost weight, I will love myself when I’m in a happier relationship, I will love myself when I get that dream job. Just love yourself right now. Show yourself compassion right now. Don’t wait for the next thing to improve. Just do it anyway.
Start by realising that being kinder to yourself is always going to make a difference.
Always.
You might not believe it, but it’s actually bloody important. You’re the only person that you’re guaranteed to spend the rest of your life with – so get comfortable with her.
If you need help with this just reach out, ask a friend, ask somebody, what do you love about me? And they might say something that has you thinking ‘I didn’t actually think of that. I’ve never really seen that as a quality.’
One thing I realised was that for many years it would not occur to me to pay my friends compliments. For example, we’d meet up for a coffee she’s just had her hair done and it looks really nice. I used to think to myself ‘it looks really nice’ and didn’t say anything. It just didn’t occur to me. I felt like that was enough. Maybe you know you’re thinking things and you’re not actually voicing them. You’re not actually saying them out loud. So ask somebody else – ‘What do you think is great about me? Who am I? Who am I to you?’. Maybe you don’t feel like that. But what about if in some way you could take the energy of that compliment and use it to really find some kind of hook for you to focus on. So when people pay you compliments, try to find a way to graciously accept them.
That doesn’t mean that you have to agree with it. But what it does is it allows the positive energy to keep flowing. So if you resist something positive, you push it back, that sends it away from you and you can imagine that if you had something positive coming towards you and you say No, I don’t want that. Thank you. Say if somebody’s offering you a cash gift, giving a gift of something saying I don’t want that gift. Thank you very much.
If you can find a way to just gently be in the energy of thank you, I accept that. For this moment in time you don’t have to agree. So if you ask somebody what’s great about me and they say something and you go I don’t I don’t agree with that. I’m encouraging you to stop resisting. Just allow.
Don’t send it back. Don’t send back that gift. It’s a gift, right? A compliment is a gift. If every time somebody gave you a gift, you sent it back. How does that feel? Does that feel awkward? Even if it’s an unwanted gift or unexpected gift, there is there is so much to be said for just allowing things to flow. So have a little think about that.
If you’re struggling, ask somebody that you know will say something kind and be okay with that. It doesn’t mean anything. It’s just to help you get some clarity on when actually, if you’re struggling, what is that love about me? Because I, you know, you’d be able to make an amazing list.
Because if you are only spending time being hard on yourself, being critical of yourself, being negative about yourself, you’re going to find it a lot harder to find things to be positive about around you. You’re going to find it hard to not think negatively about anything that comes to you even if it’s a good thing. It really does shift your perspective.
When we talk about self compassion, we’re really talking about your relationship with yourself.
So what is your relationship with yourself like – does it need some TLC?
Say you were in a romantic relationship, and something about that wasn’t working? You’d be exploring all of the different ways that you could either improve it or understand it.
So why not have the same conversation about your relationship with yourself?
There is so much to be said for the weight that we carry around, all the things that we think we’re not – that we’re not doing, that we’re not being, how about we just let them go and focus on the good stuff. How would it feel to just put all of that negativity in a bag or in a box and leave it.
Just leave it there and say bye bye to it. Thank you for the lessons I’ve learned and now I’m ready to let you go. It’s time to be more positive and more compassionate to myself and kinder to yourself. Because you deserve it.
In one of my upcoming 7 days of self series I will share exactly what happened when I started using positive affirmations to change my expectations and my energy around my relationship with who I was and what I wanted for my life. It actually changed my life. It was never quite what I expected or what I thought it was going to be but it genuinely changed my life. You can read about it in my books – check them out here.
And here’s today’s pull from my A to Z of self care card deck, my card deck that I always pull from every Wednesday – each and every one has you in mind.
Today we have W for Walking. This week I have made a change to my morning routine, so I jump in the car when my hubster takes it to go to work, and when he’s far enough to where he has to turn off, I’ll jump out of the car (don’t worry, he does stop, haha) and walk home. I’ve actually started doing that just this week.
It starts my day off without me really having to figure it out.
I like to find the simplest way to achieve the thing that I’m setting out to do.
If my goal is get some more steps in, do some more movement. How can I make that really simple?
Instead of walking to actually the shop directly across from my house? I walk to a shop that’s further away. Is it to go for a walk around the park with a coffee perhaps on my lunch break?
Is there a way that I can add that in without having to try too damn hard? Because everything doesn’t have to be a massive effort, right? In finding the hacks, the shortcuts – I’m known for somebody who’s good at finding shortcuts – in Quantum Human Design™ I’m what’s known as a Time Bender! We love a shortcut. So finding the shortcuts for me is about embracing what’s special about me and allowing myself to have shortcuts instead of thinking negatively about it in some way. just seeing it slightly differently. It really has helped me to find the best ways that work for me that still get the stuff done.
Adding walking into my routinehas been a great new perk.
Escape your routine.
Get moving, walk somewhere you would normally drive.
Just walking is really good for shifting your energy is really good for clearing your head.
One of the things that I help people do is I help them get moving. I help them get out of the stuckness.
The affirmation that goes with this card says ‘I set my own pace and follow my own path’.
Nobody ever has to tell you how to do things, you can figure out the way that works for you.
Just allow yourself to make the rules, don’t do what you think you have to do. Don’t do what you think is expected. If that doesn’t suit you. Find your own way and own it.